I speak for desmond

I wrote a 100 word story about Desmond on about the third week that I had started submitting stories to the weekly challenge. I kept hoping for the prompt to come up in a way that I could use it for this story....It took me 15 entries to finally win one and choose a prompt that would fit.

This week was the result, 'Chicken Nuggets', and everyone was a good sport about it. There were some good stories and I voted for each that I liked.

I had Des record my story. Both Lisa and I spent time saying the words and having Desi record them. Then it was tons of editing to get all the words in one long line. I recorded Bekah playing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" for the intro and outro music.

I just listened to it on the Weekly challenge podcast and it seems like it came out pretty well. You can hear it and see the text at www.podcasting.isfullofcrap.com and the text of it is below.

Sunday and autism

I guess it's kind of comforting knowing that noone actually reads my blog. In truth, one person did read it and invited me to join in an international multilevel marketing adventure, sigh. So really, I can say what I want in total anonymity, even misspell anonmymity, and not feel like I am risking myself to unwanted public exposure.

Today in sacrament meeting I was filling in for the regular choruster. I had asked my adult daughter to keep an eye on my son Desmond, who has autism. Des and I have a regular church meeting routine. We get to church about 10 minute early so that we can climb up and down the stairs a few times. This is one of his all time favorite activities. Then we are able to sit and quietly read some of his books to get us through the regular announcements and business, the passing of the sacrament and sometimes even the first talk. Then it's back to the stairs for 20 minutes or so before we come back into sacrament meeting for the end of hte final talk, closing hymn and closing prayer.

I had lead the opening hymn, sacrament hymn and was leading the closing hymn, thinking that everything was running smoothly. My family hadn't come into the meeting, and since Jan, my wife, had recently had a back surgery, I assumed that they we all sitting in hte comfortable chairs in the foyer.

We were in the final few measures of the closing hymn when Desi came running into the chapel. I thought, well, that's ok, I can beat the last few beats with him here, but instead of running to me, he ran to help the organist finnish the piece.

Everyone tells me that it is ok, that it was cute, that it was....etc, but I still haven't gotten over it. I feel embarassed and frustrated everytime I think of it. I guess mostly I feel like my family let me down, that they couldn't keep track of him for one meeting.

But, like everything else, I am sure that this will pass.

Desi's Dinasaurs Walk now for autism

We have a team.

Desi's Dinasaurs.

We're walking on October 18, 2008. If you would like to join our team, or just make a contribution, go to the link above.

Thanks

Follow up to last post

The recent uproar about the Savage Nation has helped me reflect on my last few weeks. I mentioned that the week preceding July 13th was bad...

After the backup baby sitter backed out after the first day, I altered my schedule to spend my afternoons with Des.

I took him with me one afternoon, with high temps around 110 degrees, to the locksmith to see what it would cost to get a lock on the front door, that we could lock with a key from the inside. Des has gotten so good at dragging and piling up furniture at the front door to get to and open the latches that we have added. I decided that the only way to keep him from getting out of the house was to add a key lock inside, and everyone needs to keep their key in their pockets.

At the locksmith there was a candy dispenser. It was late in the afternoon, about the time Des will melt down if he hasn't had any solid sensory input. He did melt down, falling on the floor and screaming. I was tring to find out what I needed to know, and waited patiently behind a man, who I assumed would be understanding. As he turned to leave, he said, "I think someone needs a spanking." I said, feeling somewhat lame, "He has autism, that wouldn't do any good."

Since that event I believe that I have become paranoid. I will still take him with me when I go to stores, I don't see how I can improve his behavior in that environment if I don't take him into it. But it is set up to be difficult; long slow lines, shopping carts that he is too big for now, candy at the checkout counters, and of course, lots of intollerant people.

Autism, sleep deprivation, and oxytocin.

Our bodies give off oxytocin when we have reassuring or intimate physical contact. An increase of oxytocin in the body causes us to increase in trust and attachment to those with whom we are in contact when the oxytocin is present. At child birth the mothers body produces a ton of it, (So that they still want their baby after this horrifically painful event.)

My son had autism and I often have to get up during the night and sit with him until he goes back to sleep. If not he wanders the house looking for trouble. I am very attached to my son, and he to me. While dozing off he runs his fingers through my hair. I wonder if these midnight caresses generate oxytocin that increases our bond and affection for each other.

I have also noticed at times that I am especially sleep deprived that I am much more emotional. Especially when thinking about my children, or hearing stories or songs of love an attachment.

I wonder if oxytocin is more abundant in those who have long term sleep deprivation as a componant to bond us to our little ones.

The only studies that I have found are of short term sleep deprivation and not the long term kind that new mothers with nursing babies, or dads with autistic boys, experience. In these studies there was no remarkable difference in serum oxytocin.

Future thought: oxytocin vrs. cortasol.