Check below for information about my podiobook, "The Price of Friendship"

Creative Commons License
The Price of Friendship by Philip 'Norvaljoe' Carroll is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Hopeline, Postsecret, and Cassie

Help Save 1-800-SUICIDE

NOTE: Originally, I had the video for this post embedded in this post, but I was afraid that as I posted more, it would dissappear and be lost below. (There should be a "Blogspot for dummies" link. It has taken be a total of 5 hours to figure out how to put that Youtube video at the top of my page......)

To make a donation to this vital cause, go to the following website:

I started following postsecret more than a year ago. BE WARNED: There is much there that is mature content. I believe that a lot of what is posted there is fiction. Some is intended to startle. (Frank, the moderator, says that the sight is 'art' and as such, it is all equals truth, etc.) But mixed in is a portion that is extremely moving. It is that 25% that keeps me coming back.

When I first started following the blog, I found at the bottom of the page, the post by Cassie. She tells of her hours long talk with the suicide hot line, who's number she got from inside of her post secret book.

Bi polar depresion is probably the most leathal of the mental illnesses. Each week I would rush to the bottom of the page to see that Cassies post was still there. Suddenly, several months ago, her picture and story dissapeared. I couldn't find a thread on any forums or blogs telling the reason why she was absent from the website. Only a cryptic comment from Frank saying, "I miss her, too." Or words to that effect.

Today, following the video from the Hope Line, the picture and story of Cassie had returned. And of course, I was in tears. I will try to put her picture and story below.

Well, I couldn't figure out how to do it, so I just posted a link instead.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Chior Practice 080629

I'm not complaining, really. We had 2 men and 4 women come to practice today. The practice was announced to be 45 min long.

Summer? Maybe. I would like to sing Come, Come Ye Saints, in three weeks. I heard the Mormon Tab Choir sing a version that was really moving. Rather than drop down quietly on the beginning of the 4th verse, they sing it out. They have beautiful modulations and descants. Not something our choir could do. But.....

I got the three copies of the Hymns that I have. The simplified, The current (green) hymns, and the previous version (blue). I found that they are all written in different keys and modulate up a half note with each version. So taht is what I am doing. Verses 1 and 2 are from the simplified, 3 is from the current, and 4 is from the old Hymns.

We will start the 4th verse (just the first measure) really quiet, like everyone will expect, using hte current book, then we will modulate up to the old hymn book, and really bring it out.

I think it could be very moving. Hopefully the congregation will feel the spirit of what I am trying to bring out.

It would be nicer if we had more people come to choir.

I have a lot of ideas for Christmas and other music that would be wonderful to do, but we need voices to do that ....... I guess I need to try praying with fait.....something that has always been difficult for me.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Autism, sleep deprivation, and oxytocin.

Our bodies give off oxytocin when we have reassuring or intimate physical contact. An increase of oxytocin in the body causes us to increase in trust and attachment to those with whom we are in contact when the oxytocin is present. At child birth the mothers body produces a ton of it, (So that they still want their baby after this horrifically painful event.)

My son had autism and I often have to get up during the night and sit with him until he goes back to sleep. If not he wanders the house looking for trouble. I am very attached to my son, and he to me. While dozing off he runs his fingers through my hair. I wonder if these midnight caresses generate oxytocin that increases our bond and affection for each other.

I have also noticed at times that I am especially sleep deprived that I am much more emotional. Especially when thinking about my children, or hearing stories or songs of love an attachment.

I wonder if oxytocin is more abundant in those who have long term sleep deprivation as a componant to bond us to our little ones.

The only studies that I have found are of short term sleep deprivation and not the long term kind that new mothers with nursing babies, or dads with autistic boys, experience. In these studies there was no remarkable difference in serum oxytocin.

Future thought: oxytocin vrs. cortasol.

Ward Choir

The last song we sang in church was on fathers day. We sang Father do you love me? We had half a dozen of the children of choir members sing the childrens part.

I wanted to perform this peice after I heard it on a Bret Raymond CD. Every time I listen to it I lose composure. I was afraid that if we did sing it with the ward choir taht I would also lose composure. During practice I did well, and thought that it would be no problem.

I made it until the final chorus where we sing together, "I need your love, I need your light, to show me how to be like Jesus..." I was unable to sing again until the very end

I didn't hear any feed back from any from the congregation. No wait. Jeff Walters told me that he could really hear Bekah and she sang well.